KEITH: Testing, testing, One, two, One, two,
Okay, that's good, Ready, Mom?
Okay, how do you want me to sit?
Anyway you want, I'm just glad you're finally doing this,
(EXHALlNG)
All right, Go ahead, Start,
Great, So, why,,,
You're just gonna ask me questions, right?
-Hence the "why, " -All right,
I guess I better be careful answering if this is gonna be how you remember me,
STEWARDESS.. Mr. Bergman?
Mr. Bergman?
Your coffee.
Oh, right.
Thanks.
Is it okay?
You'd hardly know it was instant.
-Hey. -Hey.
When are the boys coming?
Barry's flying the redeye tonight,
and Matthew's driving, so I guess two days.
And he's not alone.
WOMAN ON PA: Welcome to Wilmington lnternational Airport,
Oh, great.
For your security, do not leave,,,
How's she doing?
Sick. In pain. She nods off a Iot.
You better start reading.
Mmm.
-KEITH: There's an instruction manual? -You're gonna wanna read it.
Well, just too bad nobody ever comes back and tells these guys if they got it right.
That's me.
[CAR LOCK BEEPS]
Holy shit!
Well, if we study the Iiterature, maybe we can grow from this experience.
Absolutely. Yeah. I own the whole Good Tragedy series.
Enjoy your Parasitic lnfection,
Making the Most oflncest, that was a good one.
I especially enjoyed Congratulations! Your Child's an Addict,
-Will you just read it? -Give me a break, Em.
-This whole thing sucks. -Yeah, it does.
And I've been down here with Mom and Jim
all by myself all week watching it happen.
And I don't have anyone else to talk to, and so I went to a bookstore.
Sorry.
Yeah, I know you've been working really hard, okay?
[SIGHS]
And I will read the book.
Okay.
-They must have been happy to see you. -Yeah, they are.
I mean, there's only the two of them, and they really need the help.
No, I meant the bookstore.
Fuck you, Keith.
MAN ON TV: This is News 6 at 11:00,
Southeastern North Carolina 's most watched 11:00 newscast,
Another missing persons case tonight with a Blaine County connection,
EMILY: Mom? Keith's here.
-Hi, Mom. -Hi, honey.
GIad you could come.
I had to get a few things settled. Take care of a Iittle business, remember?
Yes, I remember.
You're my oldest son,
the one who called me every day this week.
-Yeah, I was just... -I'm dying, not senile.
-Yes, Mother. -Don't "Yes, Mother" me.
Hand me the clicker.
Thanks.
AII right.
Go get settled.
KElTH: Why did you fire your first oncologist?
You wanna know that for posterity?
I'm a trained film professional,
I'll ask the questions, you answer them, okay?
Well, when I asked him how I was gonna die,
he said my intestines would clog up and I'd puke myself to death,
Which turns out to be true,
But I figured, for $275 a visit,
I deserved a little better bedside manner than that,
I'II be out for the 9:30 conference call this morning,
but I'II be available on my cell.
Leave the "B" calls on voicemail.
Tell Swisher I need her Cisco report by 3:30,
that's 3:30 p.m. my time, by e-mail,
and I'II call you if I think of anything else.
I'II be back as soon as I can. Later.
You forgot to tell them how to wipe their asses.
So, is it front to back or back to front?
Either way is fine. I Iike employees to have a Iittle autonomy.
Do Mom and Jim have DSL?
-[CHUCKLES] No. -No.
Well, Iisten, I'II stay as Iong as I can, but I'm really busy.
What time is it?
On the West Coast, it's 5:45 a.m. Up and at 'em, tiger.
Thanks for waking me.
Mmm-hmm.
-You see Mom? -Not yet.
-In that case, thanks for waking me first. -I'II see her.
I'II see her. I'm just waiting, you know, to see if she feels up to it.
If who feels up to it?
Keith, come on, you know I hate all that stuff.
That's what being here is all about,
blood, IVs,
[RETCHING]
puking.
[RETCHING]
Yeah.
Listen, they're playing your song.
EMILY: A Iittle help here!
[RETCHING]
Let's walk to the bathroom.
-I'm so sorry. -Here. No, stop it.
-Hi, Barry. -Mom.
-Thanks for coming. -Wouldn't miss it.
-Hey, Barry. -Hey, Em.
Can you clean up the bed?
Sure.
My cowboy sheets.
Awesome.
-EMILY: How's it going? -AImost done.
-You set here? -Sure.
[SIGHS]
Keith, she's puking up shit.
Yeah.
Look, the honest to God truth, I'm down here because my mother's dying.
I want you to do this for her.
Yeah, it's Iike her Iast wish, something she never had.
Yeah, she really wants high-speed Internet access.
No good. She'II be dead by then. Is there some kind of rush fee I can pay?
BARRY: Oh, this whole dying-mother thing really motivates people.
-It's too bad you can only use it once. -Do you think?
Here you go.
-What's this? -EMILY: A cheat sheet from the hospice.
"The stages of dying."
They're coming tomorrow. We have to be ready.
Haven't you seen the bumper stickers, "One day at a time"?
That's my philosophy.
You Hollywood guys, always in and out of rehab.
You make me sick. What is it, booze again?
It may be AA, but it's also Zen.
Be in the moment.
Nothing happens until it happens.
I can't affect the future, so I choose not to worry about it.
-That's called denial. -Exactly.
In LA we call it Zen.
Kind of a mystical, far-Eastern denial. You know, alcoholics can be Iike that.
-Well, I'm not an alcoholic. -Well, not yet.
I know it's hard, just Iisten.
"Death is a natural process. It is normal to feel emotional."
Bullshit.
When it's my turn,
they're gonna have to carry me out kicking and screaming.
-Denial. -Total.
-No. -You said that I would have the table...
I said you could have the car, not the dining room table.
It's an heirloom.
What am I gonna eat on?
-Mom, none of us really want the... -Hush, hush, hush, hush.
What about the armoire?
We bought that together.
Give it to Emily.
-AII right, then I get to keep the table? -Done.
-Fine. -Write that down.
I just wanna make sure you all get your fair share.
What's next?
So, I read about a new clinical trial on the Web yesterday.
Now, I know it's a Iong shot, but I e-mailed them.
And I thought maybe we'II get a hit before hospice comes.
Keith.
Then I got into this chat group that reviews Iocal hospices,
so I know which nurses to Iook out for.
-Then... -Keith.
Honey, you can't problem-solve your way out of this one.
Well, I was just doing what I can.
-It's kind of a... -Zen thing.
I know, Emily told me.
Okay.
KElTH: Tell me the story ofmy birth,
What story?
The one you tell me every year when you call me on my birthday,
-I don 't, -Yeah, you do,
I do? How boring,
Okay,
Well, you were my first baby and you had a very big head,
which is not a good combo,
It was before Lamaze,
and so they just put me in a room by myself,
and let me writhe there until they thought I was ready,
And then they ga ve me a total block, not an epidural or anything,
so I couldn 't move my arms and legs and barely knew where I was,
And they tied down my hands, and then two big nurses pushed on me,
I didn 't get to push or be involved in any way,
And then, all of a sudden, I wasn 't pregnant anymore,
and I was back in the room and your father was there,
and I started screaming, "Where's my baby? Where's my baby?"
And so, then the nurses brought you in so I could see you,
and then I started to cry and my nose was running,
because you were the ugliest baby I had ever seen,
So ugly,
Yeah, but I got better looking, right?
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Jesus.
What time is it?
Oh, God, it's 6:00.
Forgot to change watch.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
EMILY: Hospice is here.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Best family reunion ever, eh, Bar?
I'm very pleased that we have Carol available to work with you.
Oh, she's good. Very, very good.
-She was Gilda Radner's hospice nurse. -Really?
How did that turn out for her?
In the end?
-Who? -Gilda.
She died.
I see.
So, how Iong do you think this process will take?
Well, the process is different for each individual. It's...
-Very different. -Very different, right. Yeah.
But, I mean, if you had to guess? Just for planning purposes.
Well, normally, I'd expect that she'd have very Iittle time Ieft.
But for a dying person, your mother is Iooking very healthy.
So if you had to pin it down?
Well, I'd say very Iittle time.
I see.
Could I check in with you on another thing?
Sure.
What happens with the Ieftover morphine?
-Keith! -Oh, well,
after the dying process is completed,
we'II dispose of remaining narcotics according to federal Iaw.
If you have any other important questions, please don't hesitate to call, day or night.
Carol will be over at 3:00.
-Thank you so much for your help. -Thank you.
-I call morphine. -Percodan!
-Guys, I'm not in the mood. -You're just pissed 'cause you didn't call it.
I bet if we'd flown Mom to LA, we could've gotten a bigger star's nurse.
I don't know.
I think Gilda's top of the A-Iist for ovarian cancer.
-Yeah, I was thinking all terminal illnesses. -Oh, I see.
Why don't you both shut the fuck up?
I mean it.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Cousin Eve? It's Keith.
Aunt Wilma? It's Emily.
Yeah, it has been a while.
Emily!
Not that well, really. That's why I'm calling.
I'm sorry, you want what back?
When did she borrow it?
No, not Iong, I'm afraid.
Well, that would depend on what you meant exactly by "Iong."
Not Iong.
I'm supposed to be in Singapore next week.
Okay read that back to me.
I'm getting phone finger here.
Would you mind calling the Scotts, the Weidermans and the Parkers?
I really don't know what to say to these people.
-Well... -Sorry.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Hold on.
It's for you.
Hello?
Hey, Dad.
Okay, so I set the nutrient IV up into the port-a-cath.
I'm sorry, what's that?
The metal valve I've had inserted in my chest,
opens right into an artery,
chemo gets in quicker.
-You don't Ieak, do you? -Haven't yet.
It's one-way.
The morphine dispenser hooks into the same Iine.
So, if you're feeling any pain, just press the button.
You wanna try it?
[BEEPS]
It's on a timer, so you can give yourself a dose whenever you need it,
but you can't OD.
The box only allows one dose every 10 minutes to start.
What if I need more?
I can increase the dosage and the frequency as you need it.
-Yeah, Keith? -Do we each get one?
Sorry.
I thought you quit that stuff after college.
I did.
A grip on my Iast shoot gave me this.
We were talking about dying relatives.
It's good to see you're dealing with this in an open, straightforward way.
Just takes the edge off.
Dad called.
Did they talk?
Yeah, 20 minutes.
-What about? -She wouldn't say.
KElTH: Why did you and Dad split up?
I don't know,
What were we talking about?
Nothing, Mom. Why don't you rest?
Don't start with me. What were we talking about?
The antique clocks.
The antique clocks. AII right.
So I have divvied them up.
You can trade, but no fighting.
-Got it? -Got it.
Open that, after.
Oh.
And there's this.
-You wrote your own obituary? -I had some time.
Do you have anything for, you know,
the funeral?
Just cremate me. No funeral.
Do whatever you want. I don't care.
I don't think I can be there anyway.
-Hey, Matthew. -Hey.
Hey, Matthew.
-How was the trip? -My ass has been asleep since Virginia.
I didn't even see his Iips move.
Come in and say hi. And then I've got a book for you to read.
Hey.
-I'm giving you the best stuff. -It's not who gets what jewelry.
-It's that bitch getting any of it. -Oh, she's your brother's wife.
-I thought you hated her. -I never said that.
You did, actually, at their wedding reception.
Egads! Was I drunk?
Well, I'm wiser now. They're married, for better or for worse.
Don't make him choose between his family and his wife.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hi, Jim.
-Julia. Come on in. Thank you. -You're welcome.
AII I did was kiss a few boys.
You were in the janitor's closet doing it with Harry Wexler.
-[LAUGHING] Yes. -My God, Harry Wexler?
But discretion was never your strong suit.
If you hadn't published their "Iip ratings" in the Nottingham Rag,
you probably could've gotten away with it.
-What is this? -Julia brought a tuna casserole.
Tuna, noodles, Campbell's cream of mushroom soup.
-Jesus. -I know.
-What are you doing? -Everyone's gonna start bringing food.
We have to stay ahead of this or we're gonna be buried.
Keith.
Keith, Julia's Mom's best friend.
I see what you're saying.
We should probably dirty some plates, too.
Good idea.
Gerald Henderson, three Iips out of 10. He was not pleased.
And?
-He had a Iittle dick, too. -Oh, stop!
[LAUGHING] Yes, he did.
-Stop! -Tiny.
[GASPING]
I'm so sorry, Neat.
I've gotta drive back tonight.
I could only take the day off.
It's always good to see you.
They don't make friends Iike us anymore, do they?
No. Not anymore.
-See you. -Yeah, see you.
Love you.
[BEEPS]
[CRYING]
KEITH: Thanks for coming, Julia.
What are you talking about? She'd come for me, I'd come for her.
Well, thanks. And the casserole, it was great.
Is it gonna be in Syracuse?
After?
Yeah, that's where the relatives are.
I'II be there. And I'II call every day.
-Don't you remember your grandfather? -KElTH: I was five when he died,
Not at all?
You tell me, Tell me about him,
He was a tailor, He owned a dry cleaning shop,
And your mother?
Nanna was a housewife,
A great cook, Always entertaining,
-This explains why you can 't sew or cook, -Exactly,
Luckily Nanna is still with us, so I don 't ha ve to,
-What? -Nothing,
All my grandkids are about five,
Some of them younger,
-Hey, you guys! Hey! -Daddy!
-How was your flight? -Airplane!
-Airplane, was there an airplane? Really? -Yes, Daddy.
-Yeah? -We slept on the airplane.
-Did you? -No.
-No? -No.
-Hey. -Hi.
The redeye always seems Iike such a good idea, right?
Oh, yeah. That's why I'm gonna Iet you do it all by yourself next time.
-Oh, yeah. -Come with me.
-How you been, sweetie? -So, how're you doing?
-Really? -Yeah.
I'm glad you're here.
-Daddy, is Grandma sick? -Yes, she is.
Will she be all better tomorrow?
I wish she were, Sarah, but I'm afraid she's pretty sick.
Is she going to die?
What do you know about dying, sweetie?
Hanna had a fish that died, but it got better.
I see.
[SIGHS]
Well, Grandma's not feeling well,
but I know that she's gonna be very, very happy to see you guys. Okay?
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Come in.
-Grandma! -Grandma! Hi!
Hey, hi.
Come on up here. Come on. Oh, my goodness, that was...
-Oh, did you make these for me? -Yeah.
Thank you so much!
-Hey, Ben, did you ride on an airplane? -No.
-You didn't? -We came to see you 'cause you're sick.
I'm so glad you did. Thank you.
-Do you have any toys for us? -Sarah, that's not nice.
It's just fine. I do happen to have something for you.
Dad, in the top drawer over there.
Something for Sarah and something for Ben.
Let me see. Okay.
This is for you.
Oh, it's a shark.
And for Sarah I have a kitty.
-What do you say? -Thank you, Grandma.
-Oh, you're... -Thank you.
You're so welcome.
Give me a hug.
Oh, I Iove you guys.
[KISSING]
Hey, guys, why don't you go show Mommy your toys,
and then Grandma can rest a Iittle bit? Okay?
-Bye. -Bye, Grandma.
I got Iipstick on you. Bye, honey. See you Iater, okay?
-See you Iater. -Okay.
-BEN: See you. Bye. -Goodbye.
-See you. -ANITA: See you.
Do you still want to go to the beach today?
You sure? 'Cause maybe we should go tomorrow.
Today.
Who is that woman?
-With Barry? -Yeah.
That's Suzanne, his wife.
She flew in with the kids Iast night, remember?
Don't be smart. I just can't see too well, that's all.
How you doing?
Ready to go home?
How Iong have we been here?
Forty-five minutes.
Not yet.
You sure?
You Iook tired.
You paid $10 for parking. I want you to get your money's worth.
I'm good for the 10 bucks, Mom.
-Don't start, Keith. -Okay.
You don't get weather Iike this every day.
That Iooks good.
-It's no Motel 6, but... -We said you could stay here.
Right. On the floor? Thank you.
Give me a break. I can't believe you're whining...
I'm sorry but what kind of break did you give me when I was in the hospital?
-Did any of you call or write? -You had your adenoids out.
You were there for three hours.
You know, it is so obvious that I am not welcome in this family.
Not one of you cares about anything...
That explains why you're rifling through the jewelry box
so you can buy someone who gives a shit about you.
I actually think of it more as payment for being forced to hang out with you people.
I just came here to help Matthew.
What's with the "you people" thing?
Are we a cult now?
[CHUCKLES]
MATTHEW: She's just here to help. Why is it always about Katrina anyway?
-What about Miss Perfect? -Emily's a mess.
Yes, I know. Her mother's dying. Oh, wait, mine is, too!
Look, maybe if Katrina just gave her a Iittle space,
-just took the night off... -You guys don't even try.
You don't even reach out to her.
You know, she has feelings, too.
Yeah, but if she's here to help, why should we be reaching out?
I'm sorry, isn't she part of the family?
It's her mother-in-Iaw.
Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do.
Matthew, I'm not.
You know, I've never seen you cry.
-Oh, please, not again. I cry. -When?
I cried at our wedding.
I sniff a Iittle at really sad commercials.
What, is there some amount that I'm supposed to cry?
No. I just think it's perfectly normal, with your mother dying, I mean...
I'm fine. Sherry, really. Honestly, I'm fine.
I just... I'm playing it as it goes.
You're not gonna give me the Zen speech, are you?
Well, not unless you make me.
I just think tomorrow, you know,
when I Ieave, you're gonna bottle this all up.
As soon as I cry, I'II e-mail you the digital photos.
-Come on. We have DSL. -Mmm-hmm.
[ALL CHATTERING]
-Rice? -No, thank you. I have...
Good.
I want a sparerib.
Mom, you can't eat.
You'II get sick again. It's got nowhere to go.
Do you want to sit and spit, Mom?
What?
Gilda used to do it. Carol told us. When she...
When she couldn't eat, she would chew the food but not swallow.
Yeah. Sit and spit.
Let me sit and spit.
Okay.
Can I have a bowl, please?
And the spareribs?
God.
I Iove spareribs.
[ALL CHUCKLING]
I Iove Kung Pao chicken!
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
[ALL LAUGHING]
Matthew, that's enough. Your eyes are bigger than your stomach.
Mom, I'm 27 years old.
I think I can figure out how much food I can eat.
Bullshit!
No son of mine could possibly be 27 years old.
He's older.
Well, that's true.
I am, too.
Sorry, Mom.
And you married an old guy, too.
Oh, God.
You are all so worthless.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Oh, boy.
You can't say that.
-You can't say that. -Why not?
(CHA TTERlNG ON TV)
[MOANS]
[BEEPS]
Are you okay?
Shut it down.
The TV?
The IV.
But without the nutrients you'II just...
-Oh, Mom. -I asked Carol.
She said it would make things go quicker.
Shut it down.
No one should have to go through...
Mom?
Good night, Mom.
Well, actually, we always planned to stop at three,
KElTH: What happened?
As I recall, it was a great big bottle ofMateus,
which is a pink kind of rose` wine,
Your father got a great big bottle for Christmas one year,
He would make a candleholder out of the bottle afterward,
Wait, wait, so, Matthew was an accident?
You make it sound so tragic, Cancer is an accident,
Matthew was a blessing,
Matthew, I love you,
You sent us to the circus with Julia the day he was born,
When we came home, you were there with a new baby,
And you were always so scared of clowns after that,
Oh, yeah,
EMILY: A Iittle help here!
Let's go.
What are we doing?
The photographers from House Beautiful are here,
and we want the place to Iook nice.
Right.
Hey, Katrina, can you take that pile of sheets to the Iaundry?
You know, I can't do anything until I've had my coffee.
Okay.
Matthew. Hi, Matthew.
-Hey, Mama. -Hey.
Good morning.
Dad?
Hi, Dad.
I try not to be, but I am, sort of.
-Who are you talking to, Mom? -ANITA: Don't interrupt.
My dad's talking to me.
"It is common for the dying to converse with Ioved ones that have already died.
"Be calm and reassuring, and Iisten carefully."
Where is Grandpa, Mom?
He's there.
-Is there a window open in here? -No.
ANITA: [SOFTLY] I will try.
I Iove you, too.
I Iove you, too. I will.
I will.
Come on, Iet's Iie down.
[SIGHING]
No one's gonna believe this.
KATRINA: Matthew, honey, nobody made coffee. Will you help me?
Or that.
So we'II take two-hour shifts at night, okay?
AII right. Here's the schedule. Jim. Em.
And there are some holes in the schedule
because I didn't know if you could do them.
Yeah, I'II do my share.
BARRY: So, Suzanne and the kids are Ieaving tomorrow.
-I'm thinking I might go with them. -What?
Well, I don't know how Iong this is gonna take,
so I thought maybe I'II work a couple days, then I'II come back.
Wait, you're kidding, right?
Look, Keith, I've got responsibilities, all right?
I was fine with a few days, maybe a week even,
but I don't know how Iong this is gonna take, so...
Yeah, well, there is that Iife-or-death PowerPoint presentation.
I don't know what I was thinking telling you,
but I'm pretty sure I was not asking permission.
Don't you fucking judge me.
-Katrina, are you Ieaving? -Yeah, the hospital needs me. So...
-Aren't you in human resources? -Yeah.
I just wish I could be here to help nurse poor Anita.
We all do.
-You ready? -Yeah.
-Bye. -Bye.
-Take care. -Yeah, you, too.
EMILY: Mom, Carol's here.
And I brought oxygen and a catheter.
No. No.
Emily said walking was becoming more difficult for you.
It is.
Mom, you're not throwing up anymore. The only reason to get out of bed is to pee.
We thought it'd be easier for you if you just stayed in bed.
Okay?
Okay.
Never thought I'd be sentimental about the Iast time I peed.
She okay?
Yeah, I guess. She's just been sleeping.
-Barry? Barry, where are you? -I'm here, Mom.
-Who are you? -It's me, Mom. It's Keith.
You rest, okay?
-You know what? -What?
[SIGHING]
[SOFTLY] Leave the Nintendo.
Sorry.
-KElTH: Who's your favorite child? -I don't have one,
Barry,
-No, -Come on, admit it,
Look, I have spent the last 30-some odd years trying not to play fa vorites,
And failing, Come on, admit it,
No, l,,,
Well, Barry is the responsible one,
Do you remember that trip we took to the Adirondacks,
when Smokey the dog was so scared of thunder
he shit all over my car?
And who was the only one to ride with your dad when I took his car?
-Barry, -Barry,
Yes, You see?
And I loved him for that,
He's been like that his whole life,
He's just always there for whoever needs him,
But is he my fa vorite?
Well, l,,,
I love you all equally,
but it's impossible to love you all the same,
AII right.
I'II be back in a couple of days.
No kiss goodbye for me?
You know what? I'd stay if I could. I'II be back in a couple of days.
Yeah, sure. This isn't that important, anyway.
BIow me. AII right? You're both freelance. I'm the only one with a real job.
Look, Barry, whatever you need to do.
You can blow me, too. I'II call you from San Francisco tonight.
-What? -Nothing.
It's your call.
I'm doing the best I can here.
-JESSICA: Daddy? -Yes, honey.
What does "blow me" mean?
-It means see you soon. -Oh.
Listen, what time is the HP meeting tomorrow?
What do you mean it's canceled? Who canceled it?
-What do you mean I did? -Did what?
What?
Listen, you cannot cancel my meetings without even...
Are you... Well, who's gonna cover...
They are?
Hang on. No, not you. So what you're saying is...
You're my assistant. You can't fire me.
What do you mean, "It's real Iife"?
Yeah.
Yeah. I guess.
Yeah, hold.
[SIGHS] Will you be mad if I don't come home right now?
Of course not.
Because, I mean, this is just work.
The other thing's real Iife.
Yeah, I know.
What? No. Yes, we're done.
Yes.
-Well? -Yeah, I'm gonna stay.
-You guys go on ahead. I'II call you Iater. -Okay.
-You're doing the right thing. -You're awesome.
Okay. Come on, guys.
-Go with Mommy. -It's time to go.
Where's Mommy going?
-Bye, Savannah. -Mommy...
Hey, Daddy.
BIow me!
Excuse me. Yeah, I need to get my bag back.
I'm sorry, sir. Your bag has been checked.
That's it right there, you can just grab it.
-Sorry. -Oh, come on.
-Security. -GUARD: Hold it right there, sir!
Put the bag slowly down. Put your arms in the air.
But this is my bag.
I'm not trying to sneak it onto a plane. I'm trying to take it home.
WOMAN ON PA: Welcome to Wilmington lnternational Airport,
For your security, do not leave bags unattended,
Hey, Em. Why don't you go take a break?
You know, walk around the block or something?
-I can't. -Yeah, you can. Just take my cell phone.
Matt and I will be here, and we can keep an eye on things.
No, I promised her. I said I'd be here.
Well, this could take days. You can't just stay in the house.
I promised.
Well, I promised I'd take the couch.
Oh, my God. Does Sherry know?
No, but what I was trying to say was that...
Well, where are you gonna put it? It doesn't go with anything you own.
Yeah, enough about the couch. My point was that...
Even I wouldn't promise to take that couch. Yuck.
Even if you re-covered it, it's still a big piece of shit.
Okay, the couch is gross. We know the couch is gross.
What I was trying to say was that...
My point was that we all, you know, promise things to dying people
in moments of weakness.
And... Well, just take a break.
[PHONE RINGING]
She'II be fine for 45 minutes.
I can't. I promised.
JIM: Hello?
It's a mother-daughter thing, I guess.
-Okay. I guess. -It's Barry.
How are you gonna get it to California?
Now, a $5,000 bail seems pretty fair to me.
-You did try to steal your own suitcase. -Fucking crackers.
Actually, I'm kind of glad that you can't Ieave the state.
BIow me.
Attaboy.
Patients on a high dose of morphine develop tolerance,
and the pain can be intense.
So, I'm increasing her dosage to eight milliliters
and the frequency to five-minute intervals.
Anita.
If you can't press the button, we can press it for you, okay?
Mom?
Mom, what do you need?
Do you want more morphine, Anita?
Morphine, Mom?
Maybe something's wrong with the pillow.
I don't know, Mom.
I don't know what you need.
Hug her.
What?
Hug her.
[ANITA SOBBING]
I'm right here.
-I'II sit with you, okay? -Yeah.
Yeah.
Jim?
What?
What are you doing?
What am I supposed to do?
You people, you're Iike Iocusts.
You come into my house,
and you just take over.
It's just, she's our mother. You know?
She's my wife.
I mean, we've been together for 13 years.
I didn't know.
You didn't know that it'd been that Iong?
You didn't know that I Ioved your mother?
Or you didn't even know that I was here?
Just go downstairs, all right? I'II be fine tomorrow.
Hey.
Anything?
She was moaning a Iittle.
So I've been hitting the morphine every 10 minutes or so.
She didn't wake up?
No, that was it today.
She stayed for the grandkids, but that was it.
You think?
Yeah.
[BEEPING]
We bought these because they're indestructible,
They're gonna be worth something someday,
They're real wood,
I know you kids don 't like some of these things,
but they're important, They've been in the family for years,
You can sell some of them if you want to, but you cannot give them away,
They're much too valuable,
KElTH: You mean like the couch?
You are gonna thank me one day for making you take that couch,
You just wait,
Yeah, sure,
[SIGHS]
It's Yom Kippur Friday.
-So? -It's the Day of Atonement.
Well, since we're only half Jewish,
I Iike to think of it as the Morning of Atonement.
I take the afternoon off.
This is Iike the Christmas of Jewish holidays.
I'm thinking we should get a rabbi in to come visit Mom.
-Mom? -Yeah.
-Our mom? -I'm just...
It's something I'm thinking about, that's all.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
-Hello, dear. -Hi.
-You must be Keith. -Yeah.
I am your mother's friend, Sylvia.
Oh, please, come in.
Oh, no. I won't trouble you, but I brought you this.
-Your mother said it's your favorite. -Oh, thank you. What is it?
Tuna casserole.
I made it with cream of mushroom soup
and some of those fancy canned onion rings, right on top.
-Wow. Hi, I'm Matthew. -Hi, Matthew.
This is great.
-I'm gonna check on you again tomorrow. -Okay, all right.
-Bye. -Bye.
Hey, Matthew, it was really nice of you to tell that Iady that you Iove that stuff.
What are you talking about?
-You want some? -No, thank you.
Come on, we are never gonna get this place cleaned out.
Why would she keep her expired driver's Iicense from 1987?
Let me see that. It's a good picture. We should keep this.
Come on.
Mr. Ruthless is in the house. What about these?
I don't know. They're so Mom.
What the hell? Look.
I especially Iike this one of you with your mouth open, chewing on a hot dog.
-It was a tofu dog. -Of course it was.
Hey, guys, Iook at this.
"Dr. Vannick, chemo,
"blood test, chemo,
"support group, blood test."
Jesus.
She had an appointment every day for the Iast three months.
That's a Iot of work.
After five years of that, I wouldn't want surgery either.
No.
I'm sorry. It feels Iike grave robbing.
Jim, if that money goes to probate,
it'II be tied up for a year and the Iawyers will get 100/0.
-I don't know. -Jim.
By next week, you're going to be up to your ass in medical bills.
Yeah.
-AII right. I'm in, okay? -Well done.
-Good. -Good.
How's it coming?
Well, I got pretty good when I skipped school,
but it's been a while.
Forgery's Iike riding a bicycle, you never forget how.
I've heard.
-What do I get to do? -You're driving the getaway car.
Ready? Let's go.
If you hear gunfire,
make sure the engine's running and the doors are unlocked.
How is Mrs. Bergman?
-Not well. -Fine, thanks.
She's fine, fine. She's not well enough to come in.
-She has a bit of a cold. -Right.
So she asked us to close her account for her.
Just a moment.
I just want to say how great it is to be working with the two surviving Stooges.
-We were supposed to say, "Not well." -Well, yeah.
-JIM: The whole point of being here... -BARRY: Real smooth, Jim.
She's dying.
We're not supposed to tell her she's dying.
Here she comes.
We know.
You know?
I told him.
-See, the thing is... -It was all my idea.
I talked them both into coming here.
I know...
I know we should have done it when she was feeling better, but I didn't...
Bedelia's sister works at the cancer center.
PIease tell Ms. Bergman that we all hope to see her in here again real soon.
-Thank you. -JIM: Sure.
-Thank you. -We will.
-Bedelia will cut your check. -Oh, well, thank you.
You know, the confessing thing worked for you,
but next time, just rat out Barry 'cause he's already got a record.
BIow me.
Well, The Dying Experience says religious support can be very comforting.
-To who? -No, "whom."
Well, I guess I just don't find rabbis all that comforting.
But rabbits are comforting, though.
AII soft and fuzzy. We could get one of those.
Your mother's not very religious.
-Well, maybe if we had someone here... -Em, she's comatose.
The books say that nobody knows what comatose people can hear.
Besides, Mom doesn't Iike rabbis all that much.
The Iast time she set foot in a synagogue was Matthew's bar mitzvah.
Yeah, me, too.
I'm not exactly clear on why I even had a bar mitzvah.
-To piss off Dad. -To piss Dad off.
Oh, yeah. Hey, you guys remember Aunt Eva's rabbit?
-EMILY: Excuse me. -Is she the one who Iived at the junkyard?
Yeah. But she didn't call it a junkyard, she called it an antique yard.
-Died a multi-millionaire. -Excuse me.
We should have visited more often.
Will you guys just shut up?
Mom's dying.
That's what religion is for.
I'm calling a rabbi. Does anyone wanna fight about it?
No.
Emily's my best friend,
I talk to her two or three times a day,
I love her to death, Em, I do,
-KElTH: But? -But?
Well,,,
But I don 't know that I did her any fa vors making her my best friend,
Especially during the divorce,
She took everything on like it was her job to support me,
I would come home and discuss my dates with my 14-year-old daughter,
She seemed so grown up,
I remember we were on vacation at Raquette Lake,
right after your father and I separated,
And you were fooling around with that married cop,
You knew about that?
Well, she was very grown up,
but she couldn 't keep a secret to sa ve her life,
Yeah, well, that was a long time ago,
She keeps secrets better now, right?
Keith?
[ANITA GROANING]
Mom?
[SNIFFLING]
It's okay to Iet go, Mom.
We'II really miss you, but it's okay.
I'm right here. I'm right here.
[GROANING LOUDLY]
[DOORBELL RINGING]
KEITH: Thanks for coming so Iate, Carol.
I can increase the morphine and the frequency.
Well, what happens if she gets too much?
In the hospitals, they tend to err on the side of a few more days of Iife.
But, in hospice, we Ieave that up to the patient and their families.
So too much morphine...
It's up to you and your mom.
She's not very responsive.
-Increase the dosage. -Okay.
How about this?
-That was Uncle Abe's daughter's. -How do you know that?
Who's Uncle Abe?
It's real silver.
"Hong Kong. Silver plate." It's crap.
-We can't Ieave it. -I am not keeping this stuff.
If you Ieave it, I'm gonna sell it.
It's sentimental.
-Not to me. -Me, either.
Fine, I'II take it. Thank you.
I guess that's it then. I'm gonna stash my stuff in my Iuggage.
-Yeah. -Me, too.
I can go to U-Haul and get you some boxes.
Thanks.
Look, Arnie, I don't want to take advantage of the family relationship, but...
So, can we get it down to $650?
Great, thanks.
She wants to have them spread on her father's grave.
Yeah, well, so it's an Orthodox cemetery. So what?
Oh.
Yeah. Well, we wouldn't want to piss off a whole field of dead people,
now would we?
Yeah, well, we'II talk about it, okay?
Yeah, yeah. Great, great. Thank you. Thanks, Arnie.
Bye.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
[DOOR OPENING]
EMILY: Thank you for coming, Rabbi.
Well, I'm actually an assistant rabbi.
But I guess, after 26 years as a Navy chaplain,
I know a thing or two.
Is there a prayer or something we should say for her for Yom Kippur?
Why, she doesn't need a prayer. She just needs to get well.
[SHOUTING] Anita?
Can you hear me?
You're going to be all right!
Now, I was a Navy chaplain for 26 years, so I know a thing or two!
You'II be fine, okay?
You Iook good!
Now, take care, you hear?
[KEITH CHUCKLING]
[CLEARING THROAT]
[COUGHING]
Well, when Matthew was little,
he liked to get up in the middle ofthe night
and come get in bed with Mommy and Daddy,
which drove Daddy crazy because he was a very light sleeper,
KElTH: So what did you do?
Well, there was a closet door right outside of his bedroom door,
so, at night, we would tie the doorknob from the closet
onto the doorknob of his bedroom, and that was the end ofproblem,
What if there had been a fire?
Oh, my God, How did I raise such a bunch of wusses?
You guys, you grew up without seatbelts, breathing secondhand smoke,
I spanked you a couple of times,
Yes, I think I even had an occasional glass of wine when I was pregnant,
and you all turned out fine,
Except, of course, for the psychological damage,
Let me give you one really great lesson, don 't judge us too much,
We didn 't do it all wrong, We did the best we could, And so will you,
That's all there is, Don 't over-think it,
Not me,
Especially you,
You read the book?
No.
-None of them? -Nope.
So you're not dealing with this at all?
-Don't "big sister" me. -Why not? I'm your big sister.
I'II deal with it my own way.
Katrina and I talk.
Uh-huh.
Leave it alone, Em.
There's no food in this house invented after 1967.
-You Ieft your cell phone. -Yeah.
Don't you think we should bring it?
BARRY: Do you want to find out your mother died
in the cereal aisle of Sir Buy A Lot?
Nope.
Wait a minute. Excuse me. That orange juice is on sale.
Well, do you have a Sir Buy A Lot club card?
No.
Then I'm afraid it's not on sale.
But the sign on the shelf said that it was just on sale.
Well, that's club members only.
Fine, so how do I join the Sir Buy A Lot club?
-I hear it's very tough to get in. -Well, that's right.
Look, the woman next to you just scanned a spare card for somebody.
Well, that's against store policy.
I'm seeing a no-win here.
I'm having a bad week, okay?
And my mother brought me up to believe that there is
a solution to every problem if we all just try hard enough.
So tell me, please, please,
who do I have to fuck
to get the Sir Buy A Lot club price on my orange juice?
I've never been thrown out of a grocery store.
You get used to it.
KElTH: And any more?
-What? -Regrets,
Yes,
Regrets?
I regret that I won 't be around to torture you like this when you're old and sick,
Hey, hey,
So, how do you feel about your mother dying?
-Come on, Mom, -I'm waiting,
Fine, I'm thrilled,
This is a growth experience second to none,
and I thank God every day I get to go through it,
You 're not gonna answer me, are you?
This video's not about me,
Bowel obstruction's gone.
Mom took a shit.
Great. Let's wake her up and feed her breakfast.
[ALL LAUGHING]
No, it's not Iike that.
Look. No, babe,
I know you don't get along with them, but...
They respect me. They just don't always...
No, they do Iisten to me.
It's just not a good time to bring shit up, okay? Mom's...
Yeah.
I'm scared.
I just wish you were here.
Her heart rate, pulse and breathing are steady and strong.
But she hasn't eaten anything in three weeks.
-Yeah. -She's been off of IV for days.
She had a Iot of swelling from the disease and steroids she was on.
Swelling is just water collecting in the tissues.
-Maybe that has something to do with it. -So...
So she's Iike a camel, Iiving off her hump.
Could be.
-What if she's getting better? -Keith.
Seriously.
You know, maybe starvation is some kind of cure for cancer.
-Keith. -No. What if...
What if it's the morphine and the starvation that are killing her?
-What if we're doing the wrong thing? -Come with me.
-What if we're doing the wrong thing? -No. Come on.
Look.
That's cancer.
She's got so much in her, it's coming out.
You fix one bowel obstruction, another one grows.
I didn't know.
You can't do anything.
We tried it all before. We're doing what she wants, okay?
So, anyway, I have started to prepare
a list of things that I want you to do in your lifetime,
things that I won 't be here to make sure you do,
You know, kind of a model of how to live,
A mother can 't be too careful,
So, this is yours,
(KElTH CHUCKLlNG)
I've made some for each of you,
I've just begun, too, It's gonna get bigger,
Much bigger,
-MATTHEW: Why would we play this? -EMILY: It's one of her favorites!
Over my dead body.
I can't even stand Iistening to it right now.
(SA Y HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY SWEET GYPSY ROSEPLAYING ON STEREO]
Is this Neil Diamond?
-Tony Orlando and Dawn, 1973. -I'II handle this.
I mean, it's just, you don't play something Iike this at a memorial service.
-Sometimes you do. -Some...
This is our mom's memorial service and you want...
What are you kids doing?
He doesn't want me to put this on the tape for the memorial service.
And she Ioves this song.
Well, she Ioves the Oscar Mayer wiener song, too.
Do you wanna put that on the memorial tape?
Would you Iike one man's opinion?
-Absolutely. -Not really.
Why don't we save it for your funeral?
EMILY: You can't respect an original for what it is,
but if somebody Iike U2 decided to remake it,
suddenly it would seem brilliant.
MATTHEW: I must've missed when they announced that on their website.
[VIDEO GAME BEEPING]
Punch out.
I'm okay for a couple of hours.
Nah, it's cool. I'm up.
Well, maybe you should wake me at 3:00 then.
Barry's turn.
Okay.
-Did you give her morphine? -Oh, shit!
It's been 10 minutes. I must be really tired.
[BEEPS]
[SNORING]
Oh, God.
We killed her.
What do we do?
Nothing.
[WHISPERS] Nothing.
Oh, Mom.
I always thought ifl could picture it, that meant it was going to be,
Like on an airplane,
ifl could picture getting up on the other side,
then I knew I would be safe,
The funny thing is, I can,,,
I can,,,
I can picture the rest of my life,
how I will be at 70 and 80 and 90, like Nanna,
Then why don 't I get to live it?
I wanna see how it turns out, damn it,
I can 't stand not seeing my grandchildren grow up,
I ha ven 't been bad, Not worse than anyone else,
Not really,
I deserve to see how it turns out, don 't l?
[ALL SIGHING]
-To Mom. -To Mom.
I've got to make a call.
-Carol? What... -No. No way.
I give you the Ietter.
-The Ietter. -The Ietter.
"Dear Keith, Barry, Matthew, Emily,
"I have never made a secret of my Iove for you
"or how important you are to me,
"but maybe I've never come right out and said 'Thank you.'
"Thank you for turning out to be such fantastic people.
"Thank you for putting up with me
"even though I upset your lives through a divorce even I can 't explain,
"And thank you for being there for me in all the best ways
"that kids can be there for their parents.
[CRYING]
"l know you'll be sad now, because, after all, I am your mother,
"but we've had a Iot of fun and good times
"and that's how I'd Iike to be remembered.
"Use your own judgment about the memorial service, I like it small,
"but it seems to be more your decision on saying goodbye than mine, "
I Iove you.
"On the next page, I've divided up all the important items that can't be shared.
"I trust you to share the rest equally.
"Much Iove.
"I'II always be with you.
"Mom."
AII those days when you Iay here unconscious,
I felt Iike when I was talking to you,
it was Iike you were really there.
And now...
Now, I don't feel...
I don't feel...
I don't...
Goodbye, Mom.
[VAN ENGINE STARTING]
It's normal out, isn't it?
Yeah.
The most important thing is, you guys need to stay close,
Your kids need to know each other,
the way you knew your cousins when you were growing up,
You guys will stay together, right? After I'm gone?
KElTH: lt'll be hard,
We'll miss the guilt,
(SCOFFS)
No, that'll ride with you the rest of your life,
(BOTH CHUCKLlNG)
Hey, what are you doing?
Matthew.
-Hey, Matthew. -I've got a headache.
-Well, join the fucking club. -I don't feel well. I'm going home.
Come on, we've got stuff to do.
Yeah, you mean you've got stuff you want to order me to do?
Well, yeah, kind of.
The three of you treat me Iike I'm 10 years old.
You hate my wife, you don't even give her a chance...
You know what? I'm fucking sick of it.
Look, come on. We'II make a cup of coffee and we'II talk about it.
Would you stop trying to control me?
AII right? My mother just died, I don't feel well.
And I'm going home.
[ENGINE STARTING]
What are we gonna do about it?
You're the oldest. Order him to get a divorce.
Nah, probably wouldn't work.
Well, Dad's Uncle Stanley didn't talk to his brother for 48 years.
Really? How'd they patch it up?
Well, they didn't.
Stanley got run over by a bus when he was 90.
Very uplifting. Thank you, Em.
I'II see your Percodan, and I'II raise you one Dilaudid.
(SlNGlNG) Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
ALL: That is what I'd truly like to be
Hi, I'm meeting my mother, and I didn't see her come off the plane.
-Sir, this is the Iuggage office. -Right.
She's about this big, coming in on the 2:45 from Charlotte.
And she's probably addressed to me, that's Keith Bergman.
KEITH: Arnie, thanks for setting this up.
-Don't mention it. -Thank you.
No.
Harriet.
-We feel terrible. -I know.
-She was a good woman. -Yeah.
Excuse us.
Are you still going to go ahead with, you know, after?
Well, what would you do, Arnie?
Spreading her remains would
clearly violate the Orthodox Jewish Iaws against cremation.
Of course, your mother always did pretty much what she wanted.
There is that.
Look, today's Friday.
Go out after 3:00, 3:30, nobody will be there.
Just don't tell anybody.
It's Iocked.
I don't know. Those spikes Iook pretty sharp.
Yeah, you're right.
Why don't we just toss the box over and run?
No, I'm just saying.
Look, can we not take all fucking day discussing it?
I'm not climbing the fence.
Great. Well, suggest something else.
There, it's not so bad.
Give me the box.
Hey, Keith, how did...
Shit.
[PANTS TEARING]
How did you get there?
I told you I wasn't climbing over. There's a break in the fence over there.
There's a...
A Iittle help?
EMILY: Did you get directions?
I've been here before. How hard can it be to find?
It's right next to a tall tree.
-Is this it? -No, I think it's over there more.
-This is it. -KEITH: What?
Yeah, it does Iook kind of familiar.
What, with our grandfather's name on it and all?
-Give me the box. -No, I got it.
-Wait. Keith, give me the box. -I got it.
[SIGHS]
-AII right, great. Can I have it? -No.
-Can I have it now? -No, I got it.
Just give me... Keith. Let go of it. Give me the...
-Guys. Guys. -Give me the box, Keith.
Nice work, men.
At Ieast it's open.
Wait, what's this stuff?
I thought it was all supposed to be ash, but what's this?
Bone.
Oh, man.
What do we spread it with?
Well, our hands, I guess.
Really?
We're already wearing her.
Let's just pour it.
How do we know that that's really her?
I mean, they could've just given us anyone, right?
It's that...
It's the port-a-cath, that thing that the IV went through.
Wow.
It's Mom.
What are you doing?
I'm keeping it.
No, you're not. We're throwing it away.
Keith, throw it away.
No.
-No. Why? Why? -Just toss it.
Why? Why throw it away?
-Keith, throw it away, please. -No.
You're not keeping it.
KEITH: [CRYING] Don't make me throw it away.
[SOBBING]
It's okay.
Hey.
It's okay, man.
We're here.
We're all here.